A trip Down Memory Lane...

I stole this from another blog cuz it's a cute idea.

Directions: Leave a comment on my blog about a memory of you and I together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, just whatever you remember.

Then repost this on your blog to see who leaves comments for you!

Could be fun, right?

Dear Diary...My Mighty Change of Heart

This entry has been planned for quite some time. I feel the need to share some things that are tender to my heart. I'm hoping that in so doing, the things I say might help another young mother in need. I believe that as Mothers we tend to get so caught up in doing, doing, doing for our children and husbands that quite often we forget to do do do for ourselves. This has definitely been the case for me. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, so if we don't set aside a little bit of time for things that will replenish and strengthen us, we will have little if anything left to give another.
My story goes something like this. Life was going good, the husband was healthy and happy, the kids were healthy and happy. We were doing those things to barely get by so to speak. We were praying before meals, praying before bedtime, reading our scriptures as a family before bed. (when we remembered) But we were not one with the Lord in our "whole being" so to speak. When challenges would come my way I would try and run, not towards the Lord as I knew I should, but away from him and from everyone else too. This caused great strain on my marriage. In August I found myself wondering "why" for a lot of reasons. It was late one night that I decided I didn't want to be married anymore. The kids were spending the night at cousins homes and so Eric and I had a visit with our Bishop. My parents happened to be out of the country so the plan was to go through a separation and just be "watching" my parents house so to speak. There was much on my mind, many things that I thought were unfair, or not right. I found myself drawing closer to the Lord. On my knees more than I had ever remembered being on them before. It was about 2 weeks of meeting with my Bishop and pleading with God to help me know what was best for me and for my family. I prayed fervently and struggled with the temptings of the adversary. I remember the day clearly when I decided that I would go ahead and end my marriage. It was a Sunday morning, I called my Bishop and told him I wanted to talk to him. He didn't know what my decision was at all at this point. When I went in for my appointment he asked if he could open with a prayer and I willingly accepted his invitation. As he was saying the prayer I was overcome with a sweet spirit. I knew that my initial decision was not right. I knew that I needed to do whatever it took to repent and to forgive. I was in tears as he ended the prayer and I relayed this story to the Bishop. He wept with me and we both just basked in the knowledge that our Heavenly Father truly does know each of us. He knows our individual needs, our sorrows, and our desires. It was that Sunday morning that I truly developed a testimony of this knowledge. What a comfort that has been to me for this past year. I don't think that I would've gotten through all the trials that are mine without this knowledge. I have always thought I have known God but I don't think I really did. Shortly after we reunited as a family in late August, I found myself in the wrong place at the wrong time. It all happened during a massage with someone that was not a licenced massage therapist. I was the victim of a sexual abuse case that landed my perpetrator in prison for a whole 7 days with a slap on the hand. I on the other hand found myself imprisoned by his cowardly acts. Nightmares and anxiety attacks were at the top of my emotional instability. All the while I tried everything in my power to not think about it, to try and go on with my life. It was not meant to be. No matter how hard I tried I would feel myself slipping back into the hole. I went to some counseling sessions and learned some self- help skills and decided that I wanted to be a "Licenced Massage Therapist". I thought that if I did it right it would give me some sort of surreal power to help me overcome this nightmare. So my good hubby helped me enroll in a massage school and I began learning all about the body, anatomically and emotionally. I had been enrolled in the school for about 2 months when our oldest daughter told me she had something she needed to show me. What she showed me was so horrific I didn't know what to do. She had been enrolled in a theater type class and was given some very disgressional material in a monologue form to read and memorize. I considered this material to be pornographic in word form. It was devastating to us to realize that our children are not safe in any program or anything for that matter. Luckily because of a good Bishop and Counselor our sweet little girl is fine. We pray that she will continue to go on and live a healthy normal life in all aspects. With this great stress added to my already stressed emotional life I began to slip. I wasn't interested in friendships anymore, I had a hard time getting out of bed, I couldn't pray, read my scriptures. All the things that would help me I couldn't bring myself to do. I was in school one evening and we were doing "hand- on" body work sessions. I began to have a major anxiety attack and knew right then that I would not be able to continue this journey through massage school. It was a blow to my self esteem but for my emotional and physical health it had to be done. I began to withdraw more and more until it got to the point that I had NO healthy relationships at all. When anyone would say anything to me I would immediately feel attacked in a personal way. When my children would disobey I would feel that I wasn't a good mother, when my children would struggle in school I felt like I should be doing more. When people would disagree with my opinion I felt slammed. It was all such a blow to my demeanor. My immediate family is all very close. We liked to do get togethers frequently. In so doing we became a bit too comfortable with one another if you will. It's hard when so many different personalities and ways of growing up mix and mingle and problems started to rise. There became many rifts and although apologies were made rifts still remained. With everything surmounting and more and more people comfortably telling me their ways were the "only" ways so to speak. Or maybe better words would be what people call constructive criticism. I lost total control of my life. It was literally like I was spiralling out of control. I felt as if my steam engine was over filled and if none could escape my top would blow. And it did. I found myself in early February being driven away from my husband and children in an ambulence and taken to the hospital. My world was literally shattered and the scary part was that I didn't care. I spent the day in the hospital and then began extensive therapy sessions. For the first week I saw a therapist every day. It was so difficult for me to relax enough to share from my heart with a perfect stranger. But I knew that it was my only choice so I had a small change of heart. I began to do those things that I was counseled to do. I slowly began to pray again, to read from my scriptures, to participate in my family. It was a slow process as I was still so fragile. Still I had not learned to "stop think" so I was set back easily if I heard anything that I did not see as positive. I did progress,"slow and steady" was my motto. I learned a song that has become like my second set of scriptures. I use this song anytime my mind wanders to things that might make me fall. Things like: unkind words, harsh statements, criticism, anything that would not be positive I would immediately stop and begin my song until my mind was forced to only think about the words to my song. It is so natural to just think negative and so I have had a long journey teaching my mind to only be concerned with those things that are IN my control. Which are my actions, and my words. I am most grateful this day for wise counselors and friends that were by my side to teach me these principles. In all of this ordeal I have learned many many things. But the thing that stands out most in my mind is this...... There is no one that will ALWAYS be there for you except one, God. He stands ready and willing to help all of us in our own time of need. All we have to do is ask. I tried turning to others, to my husband, to siblings, to friends, to aunts, and cousins. They all have good advice, they can pray, but none other can take these burdens from us and let us be whole except our Savior Jesus Christ. This is my testimony that he lives, that he does not wait for these Huge catasrophies to come upon us for his divine atonement to work. I learned that his atonement works for all things, even those small things. I know that I must embrace him, and trust in him. I know my Heavenly Father lives, I know that he loves me, that I am a daughter of God. I am most grateful for this knowledge. Through this knowledge I was made whole, and as long as I trust in him and continually seek to know him I will be with him again. Love to you all!
Leah

Come walk with us!

Roxy is Lonely

Last night Charlie went home and now our little Roxy isn't quite sure what to do. She seems so sad now. We are hoping she is "in the family way" but we won't be able to tell for sure for about 20 days. We're hoping for a big litter of healthy puppies. Even though we had to give her new boyfriend back, we have a new addition to the family. Well actually several new additions. On Father's Day the kids and I surprised Eric with a new puppy. He was ecstatic when he saw his new pup. I bet you can't guess what he named him????
Meet Ruger! Daddy's best friend, a Golden Retriever. Quite rare with his white coloring. He has a bit of red on the ends of his ears and a stripe down his back that is faintly red. Best of all he is so good natured and is already learning some new tricks.
The same night Charlie went home we acquired 5 new chickens they are about 4 months old. We needed a few more good "layers" so the kids don't run out of eggs as quickly. Yes I think with 2 dogs(maybe multiple more on the way) 2 turtles, and now 13 chickens I believe we need to be living on a FARM! The kids have been selling fresh eggs to friends, neighbors, passer-byers(is that a word?) I'm not sure where they learned how to be so business orientated but these kids are some shrewd businessmen! There is a fruit and vegetable co-op at the park near our home. Every other Saturday morning a huge amount of cars line our street and go get their fresh fruit and veggies. The kids decided to set up their egg sales across the street. They made their own signs, gathered all the eggs we had and sold all of them in 1/2 hour. The next co-op pick up date is next Saturday so I'll have to make sure I get some pics of these entrepreneurs. Hopefully we'll have enough eggs to accommodate everyone. Until next time!

Week 1 Down

Our first week of the store went fairly well. The kids did a good job of earning money and not loosing it. We found that it was hard to add coins in every time a task was completed. So this week we are changing it up a bit. We have the older kids keep track of their earnings for the whole day and then we add their coins at night. I was finding that I was up and down up and down frequently just adding coins in. I was pleasantly surprised that the kids wanted to save their earned money for bigger better prizes next week. Kimberlee realized that she needs to be accountable for each of her earnings. She discovered that she was short quite a few coins just because she forgot to tell us when she completed a task. A good lesson I think. So on to week 2 and we'll see how it goes. I think we may be lowering some of our prices next week??? I think it's better to facilitate a little reward each week than have the children feel like their efforts weren't good enough. Enjoy a few shots of the kids store shopping and cashing in!
Derick & Dad counting up his grand total!
All smiles, as they decide what to choose. Excuse Olivia's lack of clothing, she can't keep her clothes on if her life depended on it. Funny Girl! Kimberlee is next to Derick, this picture shows why I hire out photography needs, I can't even get all the kids in a picture! Thanks Kaylea ! Kaylea Photography is the bomb, check out her site by clicking the link on my blog. She knows how to capture the moment!

Charlie bit my finger - again !

This is so incredibly funny! Enjoy!

I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home.....

Glad as I can be, Clap my hands and shout for joy, then climb upon his knee,put my arms around his neck, hug him tight like this, pat his cheeks and give him what??? A great big KISS!

In honor of Fathers Day today I'd like to express my love and appreciation to the "fathers" in my life. First to my Heavenly Father for creating me, for giving me the blessing of four beautiful children, for giving me the ability to learn and grow and learn of him. Oh how I wish to be like him and serve him. Second to my earthly father, whom I love so much. He is the funnest Dad around. I might be biased but anyone that knows my Dad knows that he is creative and never lacking with finding fun and exciting things to do with his children and now grandchildren. He taught me how to work hard, be honest, and do what is right by his example. I love you Dad and am so glad I'm your daughter! Next is the father of my children. He is a loving father, he works so hard to provide for us and is very good at it. The kids really believe their Daddy can fix anything. So do I but we won't tell him that. (hehe) He loves the outdoors, animals, and dreams of living on many acres so he can teach his children the value of hard work as he learned growing up. Best of all he is my best friend and I can't imagine life without him. Lastly is my father in law,

he is in his 70's (I'm not sure the 2nd number)although he acts like he is in his 40's. He loves to play with the grandchildren, read books, go for walks, work in the garden, probably many other things that I don't even know about him. Since he lives in a different state than we do we don't get to see him as often as we'd like. When we do the kids love to spend time with their papa. They always have so many things to show him when he comes. He is so very young at heart and I think that's what makes him so fun!

HAPPY FATHERS DAY!