Reflecting

Aren't you so glad to not have to look at the Lymphoma post first thing anymore? I sure am! It's been FOREVER since I've blogged. There are too many excuses to list and I'd rather not so we'll just skip that part. :) I have been asked by almost every caller, "Are you bored"? I can honestly say NOPE not one single bit. Why???? I have been bored out of my mind at every other hospital visit I've ever had to endure. This time I have a destination to reach. A landmark to hit. I want to be HOME, and home to stay. I want to be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, brother oh woops nope I don't want to be a brother. I just want to be a better person ALL THE WAY AROUND! It is because of this small trial in my life that I have come to realize this important fact. You see when you go through chemotherapy your body withers away and your mind says, "wait a minute, I'm still here! " So while your body breaks down into almost nothing they give you these awesome shots(don't hurt a bit) to make your body not wither away. All the while your mind is still going 100 miles a minute. Except for when you need to remember that one word in the sentence you're trying to finish and because of "chemo-fog" you just can't put your finger on it. So on with my reflecting... I battled with the idea of this bone marrow transplant until I thought I'd talked myself out of it. You see I'm a weakling, a natural human being and I was scared SPITLESS to go through anything of the sort. I just truly didn't want to go through all the pain that it would entail. So being raised in a church that teaches us to have faith in God and the need to have communion with him I decided to ask and I hoped to receive! I hoped to receive the news that I wouldn't have to go through this terrible transplant. I learned that this is NOT how our Father in Heaven works. He sees the BIG picture, he sees each of us progress and digress in this life. When we choose to succomb to our own will we are torn between what way to choose but when we fervently pray to know the will of God and we have faith he will open up the windows of heaven. This exact thing happened to me. I received the answer that I needed to go through the transplant. This process put me in the hospital on Nov. 1st 2010(Happy Birthday to my Uncle Jerry Garner and Aunt Sharla Carpenter) where I began receiving heavy duty doses of chemotherapy. I received the first type called BCNU for the first 3 days. Then on the fourth day I received a chemo called NP16 which happens to excrete through the skin. If there are any bandages, tight clothes, jewelry, or anything restricting on your body you will have a 3rd degree burn all over that area. I soared through both of these 2 types of chemo with minimal complications like nausea that they treated very well. I LOVE drugs! Legal ones, no worries! Then I had a day of rest, yay for days of rest. On the fifth day I received the third and final type of chemo CYTOXIN this one was the booger for me. It made my body feel so sick and I was nothing less than miserable. Then another day of rest and on Monday Nov. 7th I had my second birthday! The day of transplant. Where they dumped all 8.89 million stem cells I had collected previously in my body through IV tubing in 30 minutes flat. 1 of the 4 bags of my very own stem cells
The only complications were from the perservatives they put in my stem cells. This gave me an aweful nasty STRONG garlic taste like no other I've ever tasted. Olive Garden is not on my top list of restaurants anytime soon. This is Jen my nurse for the day, she was AWESOME

Haha but with my sweet honey by my side, helping me breathe through each coughing attack and offering me gum and mints I managed to survive it! Now I'm day +2 out of transplant. They say that I should feel good after transplant and I do! I feel so good I wonder why I'm here still. We have to wait and make sure that I don't have any pain or problems when my white counts continue to drop from the chemotherapy. As it is I'm doing far better than I had expected or as the doctors had foreseen. I like to blame this on the marvelous gift of prayer! It truly has been a miracle in my life, to actually be the one on the receiving end of so many heartfelt fervent prayers. From people that I do not even know. I am most grateful for this gift. I have come to lean on my testimony of a loving Heavenly Father who sent his son, Jesus Christ to suffer the sins of the world both in body and spirit. I am in awe at the marvelous sacrifice he made for me. Why did he do this???? Because he saw the bigger plan, he loves each of us so very very much. He wants us to grow and develop and to return to him some day. I know this with every fiber of my being. I have felt his loving arms sustain me when my mind would tell me I could bear no more. Now looking back I would choose cancer all over again. You see if life was a merry go round, we wouldn't grow. We would have no desires to better ourselves or serve others. It would just be an endless walk down paths of uncertainty and fear. I want my children to know how very much I love them. Each has a special purpose here on earth. I will forever be changed in a good way by C-A-N-C-E-R!